Forgetting and Being Forgotten: The Spiritual Parallels of Dementia and Our Relationship with God-by Lori Hasty

Aging brings many lessons, some tender, some difficult. Among the most heartbreaking is the experience of dementia—a slow unraveling of memory, identity, and the threads that connect us to those we love. It is a journey of loss but also of deep spiritual significance. As I have spent decades walking alongside individuals with dementia and their caregivers, I have come to see a striking parallel between cognitive forgetting and the spiritual forgetting that can occur when we drift from God.

The Pain of Forgetting and Being Forgotten

Those who love someone with dementia know the ache of watching them forget. A mother who once knew her children’s laughter by heart no longer recognizes their faces. A husband, once the cornerstone of his wife’s world, looks at her as if she were a stranger. The loss is not just of memory but of shared history, of presence, of knowing and being known.

Spiritually, we too forget. Not in the neurological sense, but in a way that affects the soul. We forget God’s presence in our lives. We become consumed with the distractions of the world, slowly losing our connection with the divine. What once felt intimate and known—prayer, faith, grace—fades into the background. We drift, not realizing the distance we have created.

God, the Ever-Present Caregiver

One of the most beautiful things I have witnessed in dementia care is the unwavering love of caregivers. Even when their loved one no longer remembers their name, they continue to show up—bathing them, feeding them, holding their hand. The love does not waver, even when recognition is gone.

This is how God loves us. Even when we forget Him, when we fail to pray, when we lose sight of His presence, He does not stop showing up. Like the patient caregiver who whispers, I am here, even when their words go unrecognized, God remains. He feeds us, sustains us, and waits for our hearts to turn back toward Him.

The Call to Remember

Throughout Scripture, we are reminded again and again to remember—to recall God’s faithfulness, His promises, and His love. The Israelites were called to remember their deliverance from Egypt. Jesus told His disciples, Do this in remembrance of me. The act of remembering is more than mental recall; it is a return to relationship, to awareness, to presence.

In dementia care, though memories may fade, love does not. Though a name may be forgotten, the feeling of a warm embrace remains. Just as music and touch can awaken something deep in a person with dementia, so too can spiritual practices rekindle our connection with God. When we feel lost, we can return to prayer, to scripture, to stillness. God is always there, waiting to be remembered.

A God Who Never Forgets

Perhaps the most comforting truth is this: even when we forget, we are not forgotten. Isaiah 49:15 reminds us, Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!

Dementia may strip away memory, but it cannot strip away worth. Likewise, even when we lose our way spiritually, our value in God’s eyes does not diminish. He remembers us when we cannot remember Him. He holds onto us when we cannot hold onto Him.

For those walking the path of dementia—whether as a patient or a caregiver—know that love endures beyond memory. And for those who have drifted from God, know that He is still near, whispering gently, I have never forgotten you.